SACRAMENTO, CA – The Coast Guard was referred to as on this week to wash up a large oil slick off the coast of California. In response to witnesses, the discharge was created by California Governor Gavin Newsom, who swam within the water for a couple of minutes.
“That is an environmental catastrophe,” mentioned an EPA spokesman. “Our sources point out that no less than 13% of the world’s petroleum is used to make hair gel for Gavin Newsom. He ought to have recognized higher than to simply soar within the water with all that in his hair.”
Crews will probably be available for a number of days to wash up the spill and supply medical care to the marine life affected by the spill. A whole bunch of volunteers are already stationed on the seaside, serving to to wash up Gavin’s “MEGA-hold” hair gel from seagulls, pelicans and otters.
In a press release to the press, Newsom apologized for polluting the oceans. “I am simply human, and I made a mistake,” he mentioned. “Apart from, after all I am very fats and greasy. And I simply look good with my hair straight again and glued to my head. I shouldn’t have simply jumped into the water in order that cameras would seize what I used to be doing.”
To assist shield the atmosphere and reverse the harm from his oil sack, Newsom later introduced that he would ban all swimming in the intervening time.
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